Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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