good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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