She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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