I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The air was thick with penises
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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