I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Drunk is a universal language darling
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
