bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
