She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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