I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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