took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
A bitchslap is in order.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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