I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
