my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I will be naked everywhere
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
