You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
