I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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