i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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