I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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