you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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