Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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