Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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