can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
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