Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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