I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
