Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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