i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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