Got a toothbrush?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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