Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
