note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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