yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
