I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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