even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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