sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
