i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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