Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
