You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
