Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize