when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
