we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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