i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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