And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
