I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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