found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
