Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize