Church boner. Awkwardddd
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
