Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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