It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
