Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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