did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
