Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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