I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
