Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
