Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize