I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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