I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
