Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
