I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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