People in love make me want to vomit
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
