so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize