just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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