so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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