Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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