Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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