How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
