Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she smelled like a LAN party
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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