Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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