Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
