I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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