Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize