Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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