You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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