In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
