great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
