I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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