i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
