LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
