She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
and she was petting her beer can
I wish you could order shots online.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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