You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
