You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
