Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
