he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
