you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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