I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
