His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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