I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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