There was a lot of him and a little penis
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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