im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
handjob tips. give me some.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
