he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
