I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
