TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
