i can't believe i had my finger in that
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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