i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize