if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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