I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
