I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
