I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
