Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
