i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
