apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
