I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
