3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
