i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
