Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick

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(252): View more from North Carolina

is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?

(513): View more from Ohio

um, yeah. i think it is.

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(214): View more from Texas

I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.

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(208): View more from Idaho

We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.

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(972): View more from Texas

Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.

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(206): View more from Washington

He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.

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(410): View more from Maryland

I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..

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(880): View more from

tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something

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