Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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